Wedding Theology Letter

Greetings: You are in the midst of a time of preparation for the Sacrament of Matrimony. This time is special and it has its own pace and even its own call to prayer. Please take the time to be present to one another and to grow in your love. There are so many details that will press in on you and you will probably find that you are attending to pressing matters rather than important ones. With a little attention and discipline you can remember that your love for one another is what this is all about. It is important to set priorities and stick with them.

MATRIMONY is a way of life, a sacramental way of life! The sacrament of marriage is a lived reality. It is not a concept. It exists only in the flesh and blood people who are "the married." So often we say: "a wedding is a day, marriage a lifetime."

Let me review for you what it means to say that marriage is a sacrament. I will use four points in my development.

AN ACT OF CHRIST: Jesus is very much a part of his people's lives. Your very love for one another is a share in his love. Love is love. Your love for one another actually reflects God's love for each of you. You are a living sacrament of that love. Every act of love that you give to each other is a participation in his love for you. For example: when you make love as a married couple you are participating in a holy moment of love graced by God the Creator. Human love becomes transcendent.

AN ACT OF THE CHURCH: You are the Church and when you act, the Church acts. This is especially true in the practice of your sacrament. At the very beginning of your marriage you exercise your baptismal priesthood to confer the sacrament of matrimony on each other. When I say Mass, I take some bread and some wine and I say, "This is my Body -- This is my Blood." The bread and wine are changed in a radical way. They become the body, blood, soul, and divinity of Jesus Christ. When you speak your marriage vows to one another you are the ministers of the sacrament of matrimony for one another. The technical term for doing a sacrament is "confecting" that sacrament. A priest confects the Eucharist; a married person confects the sacrament of matrimony for his/her spouse. Try to remember that on your wedding day. When you speak your vows to your beloved, you are causing him/her to become your spouse. You are speaking for Jesus Christ. Therefore, you will mediate the love of Jesus to each other for the rest of your lives.

SIGN OF FAITH: Your convinced living of the sacrament is a testimony of faith in God and in each other. Some terms will help us understand this faith. You are called and challenged to form a binding commitment. This simply means that you can't ignore it when you're unenthusiastic or simply don't feel like it. It is irrevocable. You can't quit. It is permanent. There is no time limit when it expires (until death). It is a covenant. This recalls God's covenant with his people and reminds us that your love and your relationship are unconditional (I'll do my part whether or not you do yours). It takes a lot of faith in God and in each other to make this kind of faith commitment to one another.

CELEBRATION OF LIFE: The exchange of vows is the ultimate cutting of the cord. You form a new family at that moment and must continue with first loyalties to one another. The challenge is to be one another's best friend without being exclusive while maintaining openness to others. In particular you will want to maintain openness to the transmission of new life.

Certainly I speak of a powerfully challenging way of life. May you have life in abundance as married folks.

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