Difficulties in Prayer

Introduction. I'm going to talk today about difficulties in prayer. It's a strange thing about prayer. At times it comes so easy and we like to pray. We feel the Lord is so close to us. Other times, it seems we're just not in the mood and we don't know why. Prayer is a chore and God seems so far away. Even though we try to pray, sometimes we feel we have no devotion in our heart. Our mind keeps wandering. We have distractions. We all experience these ups and downs in prayer.

How do we deal with these difficulties? Many get discouraged and feel like giving up praying. "I'll never make it." They become satisfied with saying vocal prayers. It could be the Rosary, which is good, but that conversation with the Lord we've been talking so much about these last few days is so much better. So, many become satisfied with saying prayers. And I think that's too bad. When we do that, we act like adolescents who can't cope with the pains of growing up. And they never mature. If we want to mature spiritually, we have to know how to deal with these difficulties in prayer.

So I will examine with you today the main problems or difficulties that we commonly experience in our prayer life and how to cope successfully with them so as to use them as stepping stones leading us to spiritual growth, maturity, and a more intimate union with God. Two kinds of difficulties in prayer: distractions and spiritual dryness.

Distractions. We can't keep our mind on prayer. We come to prayer with all sorts of preoccupations, our work, our worries. We start to pray and suddenly our mind wanders toward those preoccupations. It might be our most legitimate daily occupations, our responsibilities, but they become so preoccupying that we find it difficult to keep our mind on prayer.

Another difficulty we call spiritual dryness. We have the impression that God is so far away, we're not in touch with him; we're just talking from our lips it seems. We are doing our best, and yet we have no devotion in our heart. We're dry like a stick.

Why do we have to struggle with these kinds of problems? The first reason is that we cannot see God. When you talk to someone you can see, that helps to keep your mind on your conversation, on the person you are conversing with. But, you can't see God. You will never see God before you go to heaven. That's one reason why our mind tends to wander into "distractions." We have to walk by faith. There's no other way.

Oh, sure, sometimes there are good feelings. We feel God is very close to us, like the disciples of Emmaus. Remember that first Easter Sunday? The Lord joined them as they were walking back to their little village of Emmaus. As Jesus spoke to them, they felt so good inside. They felt a warmth like a fire burning in them. We feel that way sometimes when we pray, don't we? But it's not always that way. Most of the time it's not that way. That's when we have to walk by faith, pure faith. Feeling nothing. That's a very painful experience.

A second difficulty. This, and most difficulties we encounter in prayer, is attributable to us: either our human condition, or our spiritual shortcomings. Our human condition, that's not our fault. Our spiritual shortcomings, that's our fault.

First, let us look at some human conditions that create difficulties in prayer. Things like worries, preoccupations, fears. Or, we are simply tired, exhausted. It's very difficult to pray when you are physically exhausted, overtired. You may also be sick. It's hard to pray well when you are ill. You are not disposed to concentrate on spiritual things. Or, maybe you have had a bad digestion. Bodily conditions like that often make prayer difficult, just because we're human. We humans are also conditioned by our emotions, our moods. We're upbeat or down, enthusiastic or depressed. Sometimes we're sad. We must recognize such burdens and not think that our spiritual life is in a bad way because we can't pray. This is a consequence of being human.

We must then pray as best we can, very imperfectly at times. It may be just offering our sufferings. But we pray out of conviction, even if not out of devotion. If we don't have that, it's OK. Keep praying just the same. Pray! Pray because you believe in God and you want to praise him, because you want to love him. Short ejaculations may be the best way to pray then. If we want to be faithful to God in such trying times, our faith will grow, and so will our love. We are making progress even if it's in a painful way. Humanly speaking, it's not very rewarding.

Another condition that creates problems in prayer: our spiritual shortcomings. We have repeatedly said that the love of God and holiness are the secret of a good prayer life. To have a good relationship with God is the most important thing to have a good prayer life, to be able to converse with him as a friend, a lover. It follows that anything that alienates us from God is obviously going to be an obstacle in our prayer life. Now, there are things like that for which we are responsible.

First, obviously, is sin. Any sin or sinful habit that we make no effort to correct, perhaps we even have no desire to change, is a serious obstacle to a good relationship with the Lord. Consequently, we can't pray. We're not walking with the Lord if we live in sin. And it doesn't matter, may I add, if it's just a venial sin. Sometimes people make light of a venial sin. "Oh, it's just a venial sin." Not important, and they neglect doing anything about it.

Do you know what St. John of the Cross says about that? He's a great spiritual master, and he tells us that a venial sin that we are attached to and have no desire to give up causes more spiritual harm than falling suddenly, under the pressure of a great temptation, into a serious sin which we immediately regret and ask pardon of God. It's not fully voluntary. We don't really want it, but we are weak. On the other hand, a little venial sin that is voluntary, a sin we do not want to change does much harm. Gossiping, for example. Everybody gossips, we say. And it's fun. We enjoy it. It's not very charitable, but it's not very bad either. If you don't have any desire to change and correct that, it becomes a serious obstacle to a good love relationship with God. You cannot serve two masters. You know God doesn't like it and you are determined to continue; or simply you have not decided to change, not yet. This, St. John of the Cross tells us, is a serious obstacle to a good relationship with God and to a good prayer life more than if we fell into a serious sin out of human weakness, and the greatness of temptation, and then did like St. Peter, who wept in sorrow for having offended the Lord. This kind of sin is not a serious hindrance because it is not very voluntary. This is important to remember. To repent of our sins is a true sign of love. On the other hand, to take sin casually - oh, it's not much - is a sign that we take God's love casually. Our relationship with him is not that good, and this can be a serious obstacle to our prayer life.

A second shortcoming: a state of spiritual lukewarmness. In the book of Revelation, the Lord Jesus is saying: "Because you are neither hot nor cold, but lukewarm, I will vomit you from my mouth." (Rev 3:16) You are disgusting! Lukewarmness doesn't look that bad, but it's not very good either. You don't love God very much; neither do you do big sins. You're just lukewarm (Wishywashy). What is God's reaction? Disgust! "I will vomit you from my mouth."

Becoming careless with God, that's what it's all about. I'm not that interested in God. (Maybe I just want to go to heaven.) Allowing our spiritual life to get into a rut, taking God for granted, not paying much attention to the little faults, especially sins of omission, that's a sign of lukewarmness, signs of selfishness. We're putting God aside. We do practically what we feel like doing.

Other signs of lukewarmness, signs that our love of God is growing cold: we give up practicing self-denial, mortification. Jesus said: "If anyone wants to come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross every day and follow me." (Lk 9:23) No more mortification. People overreact. It's OK. I just love to eat. Some people love to drink also, which is even worse. But they can't say no. They're not mortified, they're not self-controlled. They give in freely to all their natural desires. They're serving two masters: Me, me, me! I like what I like and I don't want to give it up. And they're trying to serve God at the same time. It doesn't work. Jesus said that you cannot serve two masters. All these things are signs of spiritual lukewarmness. Neither hot nor cold. The Lord loathes us. When our love of God declines, so does our prayer life. I repeat: The secret of a good prayer life is love. Loving God with all our heart.

A last thing I would like to say about lukewarmness. We don't want to commit any big sin, but we flirt with sin. Sometimes we flirt with people: husbands with another wife, wives with another's husband, or any other man. How much of that is going around right now? Oh, we don't want to commit adultery (although it ends up that way very often). But, we don't want to commit any mortal sin. But, my friends, we're flirting with sin! Serving two masters. "I love that woman. She's just a friend. It could be that man: he's just a friend. He understands me. My husband, my wife, doesn't understand me. I can't get along with my wife/husband. I've tried and it doesn't work. But this person understands me, and he/she has helped me through difficult times.” Flirting! Flirting with members of the other sex. How can you love God and keep up such a relationship? You think you're not going to fall. Even if you didn't, most of the time - I know by experience - that people do fall eventually. You're putting God aside for your self-desires. You can't have a good prayer life if you do things like that.

A third kind of spiritual shortcoming: slipping into a spirit of worldliness. For example: greed. A desire for more and more money; living for material things. Many Christians have come to abandon the Lord because their heart was always seeking material things. It can be money, a house, cars, trips, etc. None of these things are bad, but when their heart is filled with such things, there is little room left for God. God is no longer the center of their life. He has been replaced by worldly desires and preoccupations. Desires for all sorts of worldly pleasures, which sometimes take the form of reading pornography, pornographic books. How many people who consider themselves good Catholics, think or say they don't take any harm by reading books that abound in pornography, by watching X-Rated movies on TV. They are deceiving themselves. You cannot have a good relationship with God and fill your heart, mind and emotions with trash of that kind. You can't! Tell me: Can you pray well after watching an X-rated movie, or when you absorb a steady fare of Playboy Magazine? Don't tell me it doesn't bother you because you're not a kid any more. You are filling your mind with trash and you are unable to appreciate, you are no longer sensitive to spiritual realities. That's a tremendous debasement of your heart, your mind and your emotions. You make it impossible to appreciate spiritual things and God. You are already spiritually a very sick person if you enjoy that kind of literature and pictures. You are sick and you don't even know it. Jesus said, "Blessed are the pure of heart for they shall see God." (Mt 5:8) Thus, if you feed your mind on impurities, you cannot see God, you cannot have a good relationship with him, you cannot pray well.

All that manifests the truth of Jesus' words: "Where your treasure is, there also is your heart." (Mt 6:21) He is telling us: If what you are interested in this trash, that's the kind of thing your thoughts will turn to habitually. If what is important to you is spiritual things, like God, love, your wife, your husband, that's where your thoughts will turn to spontaneously. You will like to think about good and noble things, wholesome things. You will like to read good books, associate with good people.

Dealing with distractions. Distractions can be involuntary or voluntary. First, there are distractions that are totally involuntary. We cannot avoid them. They are very frustrating and annoying. Even the saints complain about them. They have distractions in their prayers too, simply because they are human like us. If, for example, we come to prayer with a lot of problems or worries on our mind, we're bound to have distractions. Because they are not voluntary, they are not sinful. They do not prevent us from loving God. What should we do then? Just continue to pray, as best we can, even with distractions.

Two things in particular we can do. (1) Be patient with yourself. If you get impatient, you're just making it more difficult to pray, Simply bring your mind back to your prayer, very gently. This is very important. (2) Another thing you can do, which is even better: tell the Lord about the thoughts that cause the distractions. It may be your children, that are on your mind. Then, you talk to the Lord about your children. Maybe it's your fears and worries. You talk to the Lord about your fears and worries. Make it part of your prayer. Use those unwanted thoughts as a jumping board to renew contact with God. Pray about those concerns of yours. That's an easy and very effective way to renew contact with God.

Voluntary distractions are another matter. We are responsible. If when distractions come we choose freely to turn our attention to them; we prefer, at least for the time, to think about something else than God, that destroys our prayer, at least for the moment. Such voluntary distractions are sometimes brought about by our lack of fervor, vain curiosity, love of worldly things, etc.

To overcome that, we must correct the cause and try to live a more fervent life, correct our vices, our bad habits, our worldly attachments, repent for our neglect and wrongdoings, and pray for God's help. By so doing, we can overcome our voluntary distractions and pray better.

Finally, a few words about spiritual dryness, another difficulty in prayer. Spiritual dryness can be brought about the same way as distractions by spiritual lukewarmness, sometimes. We have drifted away from God. Our heart is not with him. Not surprising that we have no devotion when we pray. If your heart is filled with worldly concerns, even trash, how can you have devotion when you pray? Impossible.

But there's another kind of spiritual dryness which is a grace of God. Because we are sincerely seeking God, he wants to purify us from all selfishness. And when, in our prayer, we have those moments when we feel very close to God, it's such a good feeling. There is a temptation on our part, a tendency to seek the spiritual consolations of God, those good feelings, more than God himself. And that's why we have to be purified in our desires, in our affections, so that we may seek God for himself and not for the consolations he brings to us. We must love God and not ourselves.

You know, this sometimes happens to young people who are dating. They feel so good when they are together. It can well happen that they do not so much love each other as they love themselves. They enjoy being loved. That's what they unconsciously look for. "I like the good feeling I have when I am with you.” That is not love. It's love of self, if you will. It's not necessarily bad, if you also love the other person, but often times we are more interested in the good feeling "I have" than in making you happy, when I show love to you. This is the kind of thing in our spiritual life we have to be purified of.

In our relationship with God, we should not be seeking the good feeling we sometimes have when we are with him, but to please him. The Lord will sometimes take away all those consolations we once had at prayer so that we may learn to seek him for his own sake and not primarily for our pleasure. This is a blessing. It helps us to grow in our love of God, to grow to spiritual maturity. And if we understand, we'll not be surprised, we'll not be taken aback, we'll not think our prayer life is going down the drain. The thing to do then is just to remain faithful, keep praying, even if you don't feel any devotion. Just pray out of faith, pure faith, to please the Lord, and you will grow. You will be proving the sincerity of your love, and this will lead you to a greater intimacy with God.

It's important, brothers and sisters, to understand what's happening in those cases so as not to get discouraged and give up. Don't give up! Don't get discouraged! You are growing if you persevere in serving the Lord. Persevere in prayer. Do your work for the Lord.

Conclusion. Let's not be afraid or dismayed by the difficulties we encounter in prayer. As Jesus said, "He who perseveres to the end is the one who is going to be saved" (Mt 10:22; 24:13). Amen.

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