Family Memories

A deeply Christian family is one of the greatest blessings you can have. The family spirit unites in love and mutual cooperation both parents and children. When God is at the center of these natural relationships, there is peace and joy, mutual support and happiness, even if at times sacrifice has its place. Love flourishes in self-forgetfulness. As St. Augustine said: "Where there is love, nothing is difficult; or if you encounter difficulties, crosses, the cross itself is welcomed." You willingly accept to suffer for those you love. A beautiful thought from St. Francis of Assisi reminds us that to love is not to receive but to give of yourself. "It is in giving that we receive; it is in loving that we are loved."

In a family well trained by good parents, there is not only union of hearts, there is cooperation in doing family tasks. All help one another, not as an unwelcome burden, but as a normal part of family life. Thus, the older children supervise and help the younger ones to dress, eat, etc. Saturday evenings my brother Hector and I washed the kitchen floor or waxed the linoleum; the girls worked in the kitchen, or did some sewing and mending, etc. When we considered the hard work of father and mother, we willingly did our share of the family chores. All that seemed normal. That's family life!

Family Prayer was part of life in the traditional Canadian family, something we did at home when I was growing up. After supper, before clearing the table and washing the dishes, mother would call us for the evening prayers: "Everybody on your knees." If at times relatives or friends came during the family prayer, they knew our ritual and knelt with us. Together we proceeded with the evening prayer. A testimony of faith.

Such a heritage of piety and Christian virtues came to us from our ancestors. Without going too far back into the past, I think of my grandparents. I have not known my father's parents. They were already dead when my father married, but I cherish certain souvenirs that were reported to me about them.

Grandma Lachance had twelve children. When her family obligations permitted, she would visit the sick of the parish to bring them "Nature remedies" derived from herbs, which she ordered from France through the Dominican Fathers of St. Anne. Today, many medical doctors are taking a second look at herbal medicines which, in certain cases, they prefer to chemical products. An interesting return to the historical origins of modern medicine. Grandma's intention when visiting the sick was to comfort or heal them with the popular and inexpensive remedies of the time.

Grandfather Lachance, an unpretentious mill worker. Dad offered me an insight into the kind of a man his father was. He said in Canada, his father was a farmer like most of the French people who emigrated from the province of Quebec to the United States. When he came to this country, he lived in a tenement house in Fall River, and got a job in a mill as a floor sweeper. A menial job if there was any. But on Sunday, he was a gentleman as he went to mass with frock coat and top hat. Those dear people were poor, had a simple life style, but in their own way they had class, peasant pride.

On mother's side of the family, my grandparents were also of French-Canadian origin. My grandfather Michel Robitaille was a widower aged only thirty-one when he married his second wife, Georgiana Gauthier, a young girl of sixteen. She had a very large family: twelve children lived to an adult age, a couple were miscarried, and a couple died in infancy, a fairly frequent occurrence at a time when prenatal care and modern hygiene were unknown.

Michel Robitaille was also a farmer up to the day when he decided to emigrate to the "States." Here he first lived in Central Falls, Rhode Island, and learned a trade: he became a carpenter and woodworker. In his youth he had the good fortune to study for three years at the "Petit Seminaire" of Quebec. He read a lot all his life and was a delightful conversationalist. He could entertain adults, even the cultured, and at the same time fascinate children by his marvelous stories and tales. In family gatherings and other occasions, people enjoyed his company.

Grandma Robitaille had a very different background. I think she never spent a day in school. I remember reading short letters she would write to mother on occasion. She had no spelling, just writing as it sounded to her. She acquired a certain culture through living with grandpa. But a virtue she possessed to a marvelous degree was her kindness and most gracious hospitality. She had little of this world's possessions, but a big heart, a warmth in dealing with people, and gracious manners that surpass all the rules of etiquette.

And now what shall I say about my father? A man with a big heart, tender and affectionate. He lived above all for his family. He worked hard and worried for his family, especially during the years of the great depression. He was happy at home with his wife and children. I can still see him after meals, rocking one and sometimes two little ones on his knees. One day, contemplating his many children, he said with glee: "To think that I am responsible for all that!" It brought to my mind the satisfaction of the Creator as he contemplated His work: "He saw that all that was good."

And what love he had for mother all his life. I can still see him in his old age when his heart was sick and he was dragging himself painfully while mother was busy in the kitchen. He drew close to her and put his arms affectionately around her neck, like a young lover. Such action spoke more eloquently than words.

Yes, he was affectionate and tender. A personal souvenir: whenever I left for college or returned home, he was there with the family at the railway station eager to see me. He would embrace me and start weeping for joy.

Another detail that says a lot about his spiritual life: Mother told me one day how she admired the deep recollection of dad at prayer. "How your father prayed well! How I would like to pray like him!" What a beautiful testimony to his faith and piety!

Mother was no less loving and faith-filled. What distinguished her was her strength of character, the ability to remain strong under pressure. She displayed this kind of strength we call the virtue of fortitude during the great depression and father's nervous breakdown.

Mother had a well-organized mind and a remarkable ability to govern her household. She often felt inadequate because she never had a chance to get even a high school education. But she learned at home how to rear her children. She had a lot of common sense to impart and good sense of values to her family. A priceless gift you cannot get in school.

Mother taught us to love one another and to help one another so that the housework would be done and the family needs would be met. Thus we learned the value of cooperation and how concern for others turns to the advantage of all. You reap what you sow.

It is fair to recognize the long hours mother worked while raising her family. I have seen her after a normal day's work, spending evening hours making little suits and dresses for the children to wear to school. She could not afford to buy ready-made clothes in the stores. She collected cotton sugar bags from father's store, bleached the cloth, dyed it different colors, then tailored it as best she could figure and finally produced children's suits and dresses. She had not learned to be a seamstress. She simply figured things out and did her best. "Necessity is the mother of invention."

Helen Flectcher enters our family. In those days, a friend of dad's, seeing the tremendous workload of mother, suggested to my father that he hire a niece of his to mind our children and free mother to do her work. The girl was sixteen, loved children and had a nice way with them. She was also very pious. After a few weeks she chose to live with the Lachance family and became like a big sister to us. Eventually, she became a Dominican Sister in Canada.

It was during that time that the famous "Wall Street Crash" occurred and businesses went bankrupt across the country. Dad was in financial distress as we explained above. One day he decided to discuss the situation frankly with one of the chief officers of the Fall River National Bank with whom he had done business for years. If I lose my store, he said to himself, I also lose my house, still mortgaged. What will I do with my large family?

The Banker knew my father well and knew him as honest, hardworking, and a man of heart. He told him not to worry, that he would not press him to repay the bank. It was reassuring. In that hour of crisis, Divine Providence was there.

As was mentioned earlier, when the children grew up and found employment, they turned in their modest earnings and eventually the family debt was paid. It was a great relief!

During those years mother suffered much from migraine headaches caused undoubtedly by stress. She would be totally disabled for two days every week with splitting headaches and upset stomach, until she expelled the excess bile that had made her sick. Then the nausea disappeared and mother returned to her daily work almost as if nothing debilitating had happened. These bouts with migraine headaches continued for years until the family had grown up and mother was able to slow down and be more relaxed.

It is fitting here to mention another aspect of our family life. We have learned not only to work together, but also to enjoy lighter moments as a family. Music and singing were always prominent forms of family recreation. We all liked to sing, while some would play the piano and other instruments. All were amateur musicians who had sung in the church choir. Sunday afternoons there was so much joy and happiness in our family that we always had friends and neighbors eager to join us. Such gatherings were encouraged by my parents who saw how wholesome they were.

Those were the days when few people spent much time listening to the radio and there was not yet any TV entertainment to fill our leisure moments. There was on the other hand, more time spent enjoying personal relationships within the family. That sort of family life was more feasible than today, when working hours were more uniform. A variety of factors in our time have contributed to the frittering away of the family, and that is a great loss.

The heart of mother was revealed to me in a special way when I was away at college, then at the novitiate. After her day's work, she would sit at the family table and write to me every week to give me news of the family, of father and of my brothers drafted into the war, etc. This was a very effective way to encourage everyone and maintain the family unity when we were away. But it took time and much love to do that instead of resting quietly after a day's work.

When I was at college, mother felt bad that she could not give me all that she would have wanted, like money to buy goodies at recreation time, which some others could afford. As for me, I was more than happy to be able to pursue my studies, and to tell the truth, I did not miss those "extras." I had developed the habit of being satisfied with what I had and was never unhappy or envious. St. Augustine expressed this important truth very well when he wrote: "It is better to have fewer needs than goods in abundance. (Or, in his succinct Latin words: "Melius est minus egere quam plus habere.)

Brother Romuald, Brother of the Sacred Heart and brother of mother. He too sought to encourage me during my college years and during my novitiate. He would write now and then to impress the importance of sacrifice and prayer. That is how a true vocation develops.

Another family influence impressed me in my youth. Once in awhile I would visit my uncle Josaphat Lachance, better known as Uncle Joseph. He was one of dad's older brothers and the father of Gerald and Georges-Emile, the two priests. Whenever we were invited to partake of a meal with the family, uncle Joe would stand up at the head of the table, trace reverently the sign of the cross and recite the "Angelus" before calling God's blessing.

Mother had a fine sense of her priorities as wife and mother. She was faithful in attending Sunday Mass, in saying her daily prayers, and attending the annual parish mission or "retreat," as we French people called it. But she well understood that with the family responsibilities she could not attend weekday Masses and other devotional practices, as some devout people do.

To conclude these reflections on the family, I want to proclaim loud and clear that the Christian family is the seedbed of vocations to the priesthood and the religious life as well as other forms of service in the Church.